Finding a childcare provider is one of the things you should consider. Check out our article for advice and from experienced parents in this subject.
Your baby is due any day now. The nursery has a fresh coat of paint, a polished wooden crib and the afghan your grandmother knitted. You’ve prepared mentally and financially to take time off from work and readied yourself for maternal life. But then what? Instinctively, you believe you are the only person who can take best care of your baby. But there comes a time when you need to take control of your life with that same degree of attention. Be it going back to work or just taking time away from the baby to get things done, there comes a time for many new moms when leaving the baby with someone else is the only option.
When Lillian Price and her husband found out they were expecting their first child, they were shocked. “We had just moved, I was starting a new job and my husband had just entered graduate school,” she explains. “It all happened at a somewhat chaotic time.” Like many surprised parents, early childcare quickly became an issue for them. They looked into hiring a nanny and began researching daycare options, but the couple realized the cost would exceed the cost of losing one income. So they came to an agreement. “During my pregnancy, I thought that I would probably like to continue working after giving birth, so my husband agreed to stay home with our son.”
After her six-week maternity leave, Price began commuting to New York City for work as planned, and her husband was able to set time aside each day at home for his graduate work. And even though the couple is happy with their situation, Price says she sometimes wishes she were home. “It was hard to leave at first. My husband will call me during the day to tell me something the baby did, and I get a little sad,” she says. “But I am happy to know Sean is with his daddy instead of a stranger.”
Also, check our article if you are wondering about getting help while raising twins : Getting the Support You Need to Raise Twins
Leaving Your Child is Hard
It’s going to be one of the most difficult moments in your life as a new mom, but eventually everyone has to rely on someone else to baby-sit. Whether part time or full time, when is it OK to leave your baby with someone else?
Family therapist Annie M. of Chicago says the answer to that question is timing. “When you and the child have a ‘rhythm’ together, then you know you are ready to introduce a new person,” she says. “It is always difficult to let go, no matter how old they are, but the best time to ‘share’ is when you feel confident that you and your child have bonded.” Having a schedule and structure in place like a set time to sleep, eat, play, etc. that would be easy for someone else to follow lets you know the child’s comfort level won’t be disrupted, she adds. Once you’ve got a routine in place, Annie says this is the time to find the sitter.
After Iowa City resident Ruth Torres’s grandmother helped out after Torres’s 12-week maternity leave, her two sons – Shawn, almost 4, and Terry, 1 – have a great relationship with their great-grandmother. That arrangement worked well because “the boys didn’t have to start daycare when they were very young, saving us illnesses and other things,” she says. “My grandmother’s house is just an hour and a half away, so she was able to visit my grandfather, my parents and my husband’s parents, who all live in that town. She wasn’t paid, but we paid her expenses while living with us and tried to pay her back in special meals, activities and gifts when we could.”
However, Torres’s situation isn’t the norm, and finding a childcare provider can be much harder than you might think, adds Wax. “There is nothing sweeter to a family member, especially a grandparent for example, when they are called upon to help with their grandchild,” she explains. “However this generation of grandparents, while eager to help, is also very active in their own lives. Many are still working or enjoying the fruits of their labor, and while they want to contribute, they feel conflicted. They want to ‘fill-in’ but do not necessarily desire to give up days each week all year.”
Here, Grandma or Grandpa may not be the best solution. “The child needs a person who, from early childhood, does not necessarily substitute for the mother but is someone available consistently,” Annie says. “This person also has to be introduced to the child slowly until they too understand the baby’s ‘rhythm.’”. So, finding a childcare provider which suitable for you and your baby has a hug importance on your baby’s development.
You should see our other articles and categories to learn the things you wonder.
For one couple in Lincolnshire, Ill., however, slow introductions were not an issue, but more of a power struggle. After Ryan Gray’s daughter was born (and after a number of unsuccessful childcare situations), he flew his parents over from their country to help him and his wife care for their baby for several months. After reluctantly agreeing, his parents left their friends and the rest of their family, but once they arrived, they could not get along with their daughter-in-law.
“My wife and I are older, and she worries very strongly about little things that other younger parents might not worry so much about,” Gray says. “For example, if the baby’s pacifier would fall on the floor, most people would wash it off, but my wife insisted on boiling it. She felt no one could take care of our daughter like she could, and it hurt my parents.” After only a few weeks and becoming very angry, his parents left. For Gray, his problem was not with an unhappy or disrupted child, but with very unhappy adults. “It got too hard for everyone, and now we are stuck,” he says.
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While importing his parents from their country was not ideal for Gray, some couples are able to work out schedules with other parents to avoid guilt among grandparents and to avoid spending large amounts on daycare. Thus, finding a childcare provider gets very easy for parents.
To learn more about baby care check our article : Newborn Baby Care
Once Torres’s two boys were no longer cared for by their great-grandmother, she worked out a routine with other parents at her preschool. “Our older son was invited by a preschool friend to be part of a play group that takes gymnastics on Fridays and then carpool to preschool after,” she says. With her and her husband’s work schedules, Torres didn’t think that was going to work, but she says, “Shawn’s preschool friend’s mother offered to have Shawn come to their house before the gymnastics class every week and have him go along with them so he could take part in the play group.” This also helps out the other mom because Shawn will occupy his friend and give him something to look forward to each week. Torres also says that on days that Shawn’s preschool has off, she alternates childcare with another family who attends the same school.
While leaving your baby in the care of others may be difficult at first, it’s something you will get used to, and it can be done in a way that fits in with your work and personal schedules. Just know what makes the child feel comfortable and how well your child responds to the sitter. “Children can develop a timetable of their own that allows them to feel secure, too,” says Annie. You’ll know when it is right.
Our articles are prepared to give advice. Always consult your doctor first for any problems and exact information.
The names of the people mentioned in the article have been changed for security reasons and to protect privacy.